From an Ace to all the Ace

[Kayla]

So I warmed up the sauna. It’s Sunday. A week since i took my piercings. They did say to avoid sauna for the first two weeks, but avoid doesn’t mean don’t do it.

My piercings are fine, better than expected. Tiny bit swollen, the right nipple, but that’s normal. I need this.

While I’m laying there on my bench cloth, like a normally do I look at the metallic water ladle and wonder how would that feel smacking my butt. And I try it. On my right inner thigh first, for some reason.

Ha. Fun. Every time I smack myself the ladle makes a metallic ring sound. After about seven or eight smacks on my inner thigh I rotate to the left, so that I can reach my hamstrings and butt.

This feels better. I aim for the muscle and I feel the sensitive spots on the edges and on the side of my leg. The spots hurt, so after about a ten, fifteen twenty -ish smacks I get enough.

Ok.

I lay back on my back again and close my eyes to relax. ..

No. I want more.

So I repeat. This time the sensitive spots do not hurt as much. I can put more power behind the next whack and again aim for the muscle and it feels so good! I continue until I get enough.

When I have enough I throw some water on the stones and enjoy the steam. I wonder why I haven’t thought about this before. Why did I ever think I need some one else to do this for me? ??

I go for round three. I am fucking loving life in this moment!

When I get enough I stop and shower. Life is good.

[Kayla]

This is escalating fast 

I want to feel full. So I bought a dragon dick. It’s fluorescence and glitters. Love it. Should do the trick.

It’s saunanight again. My favorite.

70 degrees, perfect temperature. Lets get right to it. The dick with a suction cup can wait on my spot, while I take the water ladle and give myself a little spanking. My butt cheeks are already seen this before and yeah, it’s nice, but lets get to the new stuff.

The dragon dick is waiting for me to sit on it. It looks very inviting, but might need a little work to get it all in. I start at the tip, feel the feel, and slowly start lowering myself to take some more of the shaft in… I feel this.

I take my time. I do yoga breathing and feel how I start sweating. Drops of sweat is running down on my face, between my boobs and I can feel them running down my back. It’s so lovely and warm,  it’s easy to relax and as I’m thinking this I feel by body taking the dragon deeper. My buttocks are nearly touching the bench.

I’m really feeling this. I can feel the stretch as I’m reaching the very wide base and I’m now fully sitting down my butt on the bench, the whole dragon inside me. The head is pressing on my cervix just right as I move my weight slightly from left to right, front to back, then make a little circle with my hips. Then I just stay still and enjoy this moment.

I’m completely covered in sweat. My pussy is making all sorts of wet noises everytime I make even the smallest move. I reach for the ladle and spank my thigh and what I can reach on my butt sitting down. Obviously can’t reach for the best spot, but I have a lot of ass to smack even from this position. My very long hair sticks to the skin, can’t even imagine how read my face is right now.

Time for a breather. I get up really slow. I can feel how my pussy does not want to let go too easily, so I sit my ass down and try again. I get up and this time there is no resistance.

Cool.

Now, lets turn the dick 180 degrees, as to getting filled from behind, to see how that feels. There are different kind of bumps on this side of the dick, I want to see if it makes a difference. All sorts of liquids escape my pussy this time as I’m sitting down on the dragon and I’m getting exactly what I ordered. I feel the stretch like I did the first time around but my pussy takes it all in fast as I’m sitting down and feeling my feelings. I make a little forward riding movement, circles, shift my weight left and right… I feel some pinches in my insides and when I lean into the pain it’s like a reward.

The wooden bench makes some squeegee sounds as I enjoy riding my dragon. I give both my nipple piercings some slaps and pinches.

Enough is enough. I’m starting to overheat. It’s time to shower and recover. I am loving this so much...

Maybe even try a bigger dragon next time 

[Kayla]

A walk on a memory lane to not to distand past: Spring -25.

I needed piercings. Not sure why, but I did. So I booked a time for a Saturday.

The piercer was a petite woman. She was good. While I took my top off and hopped in the seat she asked me if I had any previous piercings. My head went blank for some reason and I said no. I’ve had belly buttons piercing for 20 years? But my head is empty and won’t remember this until couple of hours after this appointment...

She took her time drawing the right spots, where the piercings would go, with a marker on both nipples. It took a few tries but I was happy with how she got them as vertigal as possible. It’s not easy to do with large breasts like mine.

We started with the right nipple. ”Deep inhale” I never felt the needle go in, but for a full second I felt a burning sensation through my entire right boob all the way down to my chest. Had to exhale long, like I was blowing air through a straw. It only lasted a second or two though.

”Huh. That was interesting” was all I words I had to say.

”Everything okay? Feel dizzy? Should we continue?” The lady asked when she was screwing on the first piercing ball. She moved the tiny work table she needed to the other side.

”I’m fine, continue”. I knew the second one was going to hurt more, since now I know what to expect. I took a very deep inhale...

And there it was. My left boob and that side of the chest was now on fire, but it felt longer than a second or two. Took a second deep inhale when she put the jewerly through and felt it all this time. Like, well, movement around inside my nipple, or course, when she placed the piercing and screwed on the ball.

Then nothing. Why am I liking this so much, I thought to myself.

”Ok, now we can take a few minutes, take a look, you can put your top back on and if you feel like it we can continue with the eyebrow piercings”.

She handed me a mirror. I can of course see my own nipples without a mirror, I just have to lift it a little, my boobs are huge and nipples don’t exactly point up. But I took the mirror anyway.

I saw my new piercings, THEY WERE SO PRETTY! It’s stupid how happy I got.

I put my top back on and sat back down in the chair. ”Two more, please” and I think I was smiling a little bit too wide. Am I being weird?

I wanted two barbells in the corner of my left eyebrow. One would just look too lonely. The piercer was a little suprised I was so eager to continue so soon, but what can I say. She was good. I had fun.

The eyebrow piercings felt like a cats nail that dugg real deep and slow onto my skin. This didn’t even count as pain in my opinion. They bled a little, whereas nipples didn’t bleed at all.

It took longer because she had to wait for the bleeding to stop before putting in the barbell in the second one. My eye kept watering on the same side I took the piercings, a long stream of my tears fell all the way down my cheeck and on my neck. I wipe them away with a tissue and wait to be done.

Four piercings were enough at one go, even for me. Although as I'm thanking the piercer and gathering my stuff I'm already planning for my next hit.

[Kayla]

*WARNING: Not for the faint of hearts*

How about going for a invasive, completly useless medical procedure that provides zero useful information for current situation. Shall we?

Just for shits and giggles, because, you know.. a curious masochist.

After walking for over 20 minutes from the nearest parking spot, sitting in the waiting area for another 20 extra minutes, the nurse finally calls me in. I walk in, the doctor is already sitting in her seat infront of a computer, opposite the nurses desk. I sit down and already I can tell that this doctor, like all the others, is on autopilot. I can already tell how this is going to go.

I answer her questions and then it’s time to undress from waist down and lay on my back on the table, legs on the stirups.

”Can I touch?” They are good with asking for consent, have to admit.

”Yes”

”I’ll start. I’ll apply some pressure on your lower belly, tell me if you feel any pain or discomfort” The doctors fingers up in my pussy, her other hand is putting pressure on my belly where the ovaries and uterus are located. Everything normal.

”Next we’ll do the ultrasound examination. I’ll have to call the specialist in to give her opinion and recommendation of what she sees in the image” She lubes up the ultrasound probe with a curved shape, resembling a hockey stick and, with my consent, inserts it in my vagina. While poking around my insides like a blind man looking for his hat on my vagina walls a feeling of disappointment comes over me. Bad moment to trigger muscle memory.

I remind myself that I have come a long way in life, and even though life gives me shit, at least I’m not straight.

While they got the image on the screen, the nurse was on her phone asking the specialist to pop by, and almost the same second she enters the room and quickly closes the door. There is a curtain infront of the door for this reason. Even if one happened to peep they would only see a curtain, not a pasient with their pussy spread open.

She introduces herself and gently pats my knee to let me know her presence. I acknowlegde her presence with a ”Hi” barely seeing her from behind my F cups.

Everything looks good, but just to be on the safe side they’ll take a endometrial biopsy.

I make them aware in a very matter-of-fact tone that I don’t buy this ´cervix has no nerve endings` nonsense, and to proceed with that in mind. To their credit they listened and assured they were aware of this and it would be very careful and quick, but also optional. If I didn’t want to they would skip this step.

I tell them to continue.

Te nurse hands me a stress ball, the doctor on the autopilot inserts the speculum and sprays a numbing agent on my cervix and I kid you not, I feel that mist deep down in my throat. It’s the same thing with anything with a flavor going into my vagina, it soon reaches the back of my throat. I keep this information for myself.

While we are waiting for the agent to take affect I’m been told the biopsy is taken with a 1mm thick plastic catheter. ”You should only feel a little pinch”. I roll my eyes so loud, but I’m pretty sure only the nurse clocked it.

Time to begin. The autopilot is asking the nurse to hold something so that she can fully focus only on the cathetar. She says something to the specialist, and she also gives a helping hand in what I’m guessing is holding my meety lips from interfering. They have this whole conversation without making me feel self consious and it’s all very matter of fact. Kudos. Also can’t help but thinking there are three women between my legs as we speak. Six hands in my crotch doing their thing. A win is a win.

Sure enough, can’t feel the cathetar go through the cervix but sure as hell felt it as soon as it reached my uterus. ”I’m going to get the sample now” She said and I feel like there is a metal wire that  starts scraping my insides. ”This is as bad as it gets” as soon as the nurse said that I feel the scraping dig deeper. Not loud, but very strong and dark ”SAAtana” escapes my lips. Mouth lips, not pussy lips. But I hold very still.

”Less than 10 seconds left”. ”Good looking sample”. ”Done”. The specialist gives her recommendations and leaves the room.

”Ok. All that’s left is we just need to flush out the cathetar from your uterus. This part is not painful at all.”

That part was true. I can’t feel anything when the nurse filled my uterus with a saline solution, but I feel the warm fluit on my ass cheecks as it’s dripping out of me.

The nurse hands me some tissues to wipe my own ass and I can stand up and get dressed.

As I’m sitting back down on the chair next to the doctors desk she asks if I have any questions. Well yeah. ”I would like to get to the root reason of all the symptoms, not just threat the symptoms”

”Well, excess weight can cause this” the autopilot is on default answer mode of course. Silly me. I can see that she is already mentally moving on to the next patient.

I’m tired. I take deep sigh ”Well, then of course. Thank you for reminding me. I don’t have any more questions”. I’m pretty sure she ignored the sarcasm in my voice. ”Have a good day” With a big fake smile on my face I leave the room.

As I’m walking back to my car I feel whatever was left in the uterus makes an exit. Good thing I took the pad they offered. I remind myself that my expectations were already six feet under when I desided to do this and this changes nothing. I make a mental note that not less than 70 years ago this would have been a lobotomy procedure, as a cure, for being diagnosed mentally ill. Baby steps.


To everyone who can relate to this, I’m sorry. The gaslighting is real. We deserve so much better.

[Kayla]

From that time I had a pretty sweet summer job:

I should be happy I got a job for the summer. I’m mopping stairs at the appartment buildnings in the centrum.  It’s easy and quiet, I get to work alone and take my time at each location. It’s a nice distraction from my life, have to admit. Shit royally hit the fan this spring and I am done thinking about it. I just want to get back to my life.

But I did not factor in the heat. An Indian summer. I’m not build for this. Going up and down up to three flights of stairs per building in this heat! By the end of July I was out of juice. I had nothing left to give.

I took my break in the basement, in the common shower and changing rooms, that was also my responsibility to maintain clean and tidy. It wasn’t even ten in the morning yet but my top was already soaked in sweat and I felt too hot in my shorts. What kind of summer is this? I consider 15 degrees to be a decent weather, now it’s +28 in the shade?! No!.

There is a reason I chose this place to have a break. It’s an older building, the shower hasn’t been remodelled since forever so the shower heads still had the old fashioned massage feature. I laugh in my head. I like to think this is how I lost my virginity.

I lock the door to the changing room. I haven’t seen anyone here when I come here to clean, but it only takes 45 minutes, so I really don’t know if people come here during the day or who else has keys. But fuck it. If I get caught they can just enjoy the show.

I tie my hair up, I’m not here to wash it after all. I lose my shorts and sweat soaked top and bra and walk into the shower room. It’s a public shower so there are three shower heads to pick from. No stalls. Just one big room. I choose the one next to a bench.

I stand on the side and turn the faucet, water starts running. I extend a hand and as a though it’s very cold. I have goose skin, my nipples are hard. I adjust the temperature to ´perfect` and walk into it without getting my hair wet. I’m listening to the sounds above and try to keep a note if someone is coming this way. But it’s quiet. This is my queue.

I take the shower head into my hand and flip the switch on it’s back. A strong water current shoots out the head. Enough with the forplay. I place the head between my legs and lean to the wall with my free hand. Just as perfect as I remember. It only takes a few seconds to find the right spot, and as   my breathing becomes shallow I feel the tension rising from within and bubbling up, I’m moaning out my first orgasm with my forehead and left arm finding balance on the cold tile wall.

I’m not done and I’m not moving the shower head from my crotch, but I aim it away from the clitoris. The water is massaging my labia and hole opening, which feels like I won in life. After several deep breaths I start again. This time I squat down with my back against the wall and play with the shower head a little longer before I aim it at the right spot. My legs are shaking, breathing becomes heavy and my cheeks must be burning read. But I don’t cum just yet, the second time takes a while. I reach for the faucet and turn it to almost max, now the water current is so much stronger, I hold the shower head with both hands as I cum hard against it. My legs give out from under me, my butt hits the floor and I keep my eyes closed for a while and turn off the massage feature so it’s a normal shower once again.

The water is everywhere. Even my hair is soaked. It’s worth it.. I take a few more deep breaths and get myself off the floor. I sit on the bench. I lean on wall, little on the side, and lift my right bend leg on the bench and spreat them good. I want to feel the shower on my pussy, twice cum. Strong pulses run through me when the water hits clitoris. My legs jolt involuntarily. I do yoga breaths. My face feels like it’s on fire, so I take turns between showering my face and pussy. When I feel rested I turn the massage back on and play with my nipples. Hard play with my nipples always gets me going. This time is no different. I turn the play on my pussy again, on the labia, hole, clitoris, I keep the shower head close, then a little further, close again. I fantasize that I’m riding. It does not matter what, I’m just riding. It’s my go to fantasy. I keep going until I can’t stand it anymore and place stream on the clit, and move my hip against it as I cum the fourth time.

This goes on a little while longer. Playing with my nipples between orgasms. Changing the water pressure. Even trying to ride the shower head, kind of worked.

Eventually I have to stop and let myself airdry. I didn’t bring a towel after all. There were some paper towels in the bathroom, I used some, just enought so that I could put my clothes back on. I continue work in a sweaty top and wet shorts. The shorts were black so I don’t think people will notice, but the top is lavender, you can see the sweat and now the back is wet from the dripping hair.

But it’s the heat. It just makes sense to shower to cool off in this heat. I continue walking up and down stairs as I’m mopping them as I go. The heat is still getting to me, and now my pussy lips are still bulging between in my shorts, like they didn’t have enough. ”Are you kidding me” I say out load to myself.

What to do next...

[Kayla]

That time I fucked a man.


It was so long ago. Winter 2002.

Hotelwork was made for me. As a chambermaid, in London, I cleaned hotelrooms six days a week for pretty much pocket money, but I didn’t care. The plan had always been to move away from home when I turn eighteen so thats what I did. Why England? Who cares? As long as it’s not home.

The hours were flexible. If I wanted to safe my days off, I could. So usually I worked two or three weeks in a row so that I could take a long weekend off. Thats when I travelled to visit my friend who lived a couple of hours from London. I had met him a year prior, in Finland. We met at a Folkhigh School. We studied different things, but lived in the same student housing.

My teenage years were difficult. So when I had the change I went looking for trouble. And trouble was easy to find. First I tried drinking, but noticed right away I couldn’t do it. Three beers and I didn’t get drunk. Just dizzy and sick. How to people do this? How is this fun or helpful in any way? It was just stupid. So I never became a drinker.

My advice to the younger me would be to try exercising. It would really take the edge off and the muscle pain the following day.. ahh, bliss!

But I don’t know it yet.

So I try fucking a man… Teenage logic, right ?!

It so happens, that a man happened to cross my path. There he sat, in the living room in my student housing. Tall, skinny, fit, red head. And British. I remember thinking, the idea of sex with this man does not make me hurl. And for some reason he was into me. He was twenty something, I didn’t ask. He was also fucking other girls that I lived with. I didn’t care. I was horny and angry. So far I was only fucking a shower head, and though I needed something else.

The couple of times we fucked I was just very disappointed. I smiled through it, but never faked anything. He was pretty and pleasant, and I got aroused when he went down on me, but then he would stop, when I was clearly enjoying it (?) and proceeded to penetrade me thinking that would get me off?

From his initiative we kept in touch via email and now we have a cute little B&B booked for a night. There is  something going on between us. I just wasn’t sure what. To me, it didn’t matter. I am young, finally free to do what I wanted and I wanted to fuck. He loved me. It was getting more and more clear to me that what he wanted out of this connection was not what I wanted. This might even be our last hook up.

Clothes did not stay on long after the door closed behind us. He is sitting in the middle of the bed, I took off last of my clothes and sat in his lap, wrapping my legs around him. I can feel the yesterdays work out, it was leg and ass day. He doesn’t know that. Because we don’t talk about anything.

His touch is pleasent and familiar. We roll around and after the usual foreplay he pulls a new move. I am now on top of him, his dick hard inside me and he looks like he is just there to watch me ride. This is a little unexpected but in a good way. Heck I’m ready! I tilt my pelvis until the pressure hits the right spot and start grinding. Our anatomies match perfectly, the soreness in my muscles gives me an extra kick in already an intense ride. Not only does his dick fill me competely but it hits just the right spot inside as my clit is getting rubbed against his pubic mound. It does not take long to feel that I’m not far from cuming. Then I get to the stage where it feels like it’s going away. I grind harder and faster to catch it again and I ride until I cum, hard, my pussy tight around his dick.

I fall forward from the intensity and catch my breath. He lets me take a few breaths and then we roll around, now he is on top. My wetness is everywhere when we fuck in missionary. It feels so fucking good, and I can feel him pulsating when he cums in the condom he was wearing

After sex snuggles turns into sleep, for him. I lie awake a little longer. I want to keep fucking, but I know better than to say it out loud.

This one and done hetero bullshit is pissing me off.

Sleep comes eventually. The breakfast next morning is lovely. He walks me to the buss station and we say our goodbyes like usual. I’m happy to go back to my life in the city, to my job, and my friends.

Not so long from this moment we stop keeping in contact. The last email he sent he asked if we can just be friends, to which I replied of course. And I felt relieved. A little sad, that friendship wasn’t really on the table, it’s just how one ends a connection, even my little autistic ass knew that. But my world was open. The focus was back on only me, completely and fully.

And that’s all that matters. 

[Kayla]

May be the last one...

I’m really tired of finding myself in this situation over and over again.

He is already asleep. The blood pumping up and down my swollen labia, the tickling electricity teasing my vulva, is reminding me that it’s that time of the month again. I’m ovulating. If I had to label myself I would say that I fall under the asexual spectrum. The idea of having sex has always been much more fun, than any time I have actually ended up having sex for real. And most times I just rather not have sex at all. Expect when I’m ovulating.

But even now, when my body is demanding sex and orgasms, I do not want to fuck him.

Fuck!

Think! It’s a small apartment so even if I went to the farthest corner he would still hear me. And I don’t want that. My fingers find they way between my labia. Yep, wet, wet, wet.

Ok. Lets try something. My legs are open in a butterfly position and without making the bed move I prop my pillow so my hand rests comfortable when I reach my pussy under the covers. Only part of me moving is my index finger as I’m finding the right spot on the side of my clitoris.

And there it is.

I’m keeping an ear on the sounds my hubby makes in his sleep, but I don’t think I have to worry about him right now.

The spot under the clit hood is happy to feel my finger making a small movement on top of it, rubbing it with very little pressure. If I push too hard then the sensation goes away and we don’t want that. I have to do this without moving a muscle if I want to finish alone. And I do.

My breathing becomes more shallow now. This is usually when my legs want to move, to spreat more, to make the access to my groin easier. But I don’t move. Instead I focus on relaxing my muscles, and just keep my finger working on the same spot. I slow it down even.

My body feels different. Like little threads of electricity moving from toes to crotch to belly, no where to go since their job is moving the muscle. Only thing to do is to enjoy this moment. My clit has swollen into a huge bulge like never before. My finger keeps sliding up and down on it, under the hood, around and repeat. I can hear my hearts heavy beating and blood pumping in my ears like it’s monsoon season inside my veins and arteries. Like I’m underwater almost.

Time is irrelevant. At some point I do wonder if this is as far as I can take it without moving. Masturbating has never been this fine tuned and still before. I usually need a rough clit stimulation and usually a doggy or riding, which ever gives a deeper penetration. But this. This is a whole another level I have never been on.

Those little electric threads now feel all fuzzy, all over my body as I keep teasing the clit, up and down, around and repeat, over and over… And all of a sudden my blood turns into a what feels like a bubbly shampagne wave as it moves from toes to the top of my head as a come harder than ever before. Up and down the wave goes through every inch of my body as my finger stays frozen on the spot until the very end.

That was new, I say to myself when I come around. I think I can sleep now. I’m thinking I should look up Autosexual, as I’m drifting away in the sweet after glow of self-gratification.

[Kayla]

If You are not turned on – There is no magic


To get rid of unwanted houseguests, turn a broom upside down.

It took a long time for me to learn how to be my own safe space. When I finally got the hang of it my view of the whole world changed in a way I wasn’t completely prepared for.

Showing classic signs of exhaustion and fatigue as life is kicking my ass, year after year, I had to make some kind of change to pull myself through this. Moving away would not change anything. It might have been the temporary solution for teenage me back in the day, in the end all it did was boomerang me back home anyway. It took over a decade, but eventually I had no other choise but to move back home. Nearly lost my sanity fighting against it.

Now I’m older and back in square one living in a place I don’t have many fond memories of. I feel so tired. To find peace in my life I turned inward and quickly realized that I don’t even know myself. Maybe it’s time I did.

Talking to the inner me like it’s a third person became a game I never grew tired of playing. Think of the line from from The Run Away Bride, How do you like your eggs? It took me years but I finally figured out not only do I not even like eggs, I am allergic! That solved the mystery of several symptoms I had struggled with since childhood. The simplicity is mind poggling.

Some changes like these were instant. My body (and spirit) is starting to heal which in turn made it more comfortable to live in it. I like myself again. The much slower changes took a while to pick up on. Like understanding my own cycle and how it affects every aspect of my life. I only need to orgasm when I’m ovulating. Other times my body is happy and cosy being turned on without the need to climax. It’s how I keep my energy levels up.

The way to keep the stored energy to myself is to get rid of energy suckers in my house. I learned this one from tiktok and put it to the test. It is the dead of winter, no light, no end in sight, I have given this situation all I have to give and I am done. I walk outside from the back door and turn the broom upside down. Less than a week later it took affect and the person is gone. This was something I have dealt with for years and just like that, it’s out of my life.

Of course it had to be a coincidence, right? Spring eventually comes and similar situation rises. I am not waiting around this time when I walk to the front door and turn the broom. This time it happens a lot quicker and they leave the next day.

Coincidence or not, I dare not go on further down on this path. If I do anything it happens inside my head only. Because as stupid as it sounds, it’s not even my house and it still worked. Powerful stuff. Lets let the dust settle before I dapple deeper into whatever it was I messed with just now, I tell myself.

So hear me world. After I take that nap I have planned, get the rest of my issues sorted... and remember to eat something... I’m coming for you. Roar.